


You have given me something that I can't live without

by NeverlandAwaitsUs



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:41:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24003775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverlandAwaitsUs/pseuds/NeverlandAwaitsUs
Summary: JJ has the habit to show up at your house whenever his father has beaten him up. This time, it was worse than usual.
Relationships: JJ (Outer Banks)/Original Female Character(s), JJ (Outer Banks)/Reader, JJ Maybank x Reader, JJ x reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 141





	You have given me something that I can't live without

**Author's Note:**

> I hurt myself while writing this, JJ really needs more hugs okay. Mentions of violence/abuse, breakdowns and a little bit of angst.

It was a late summer evening that you spent at home for once. Your parents were on the mainland to visit your aunt and uncle but you hadn’t really been in the mood so you stayed back here. You’d rather hang out with the Pogues than go to the mainland and having the house to yourself wasn’t the worst thing on earth.

You’ve been enjoying the quiet night, still recovering from the party at the boneyard last night. It was one of those days where you didn’t want to leave the house because you’ve been sleeping until 1pm anyway and felt like complete trash, the hangover almost killing you.

Thankfully you felt better now, the urge to constantly puke was gone and breathing the fresh night air that was coming in from the window of your room was healing your confused mind. You loved the nights, especially one likes these where the skies were clear and you could see the stars and the moon shining into your room.

You were pretty sure the other Pogues hadn’t spent the day any differently. It had been a really massive party after all, including Rafe and his minions causing trouble but whatever. He was the kind of guy you didn’t waste any time thinking about.

The pizza had been standing on your desk for a while now as you’d almost burned your tongue trying to eat it fresh out of the oven. Hunger was a stronger emotion than anything else today. You were about to eat it when you heard someone knock loudly at the door downstairs. At 11pm. What the actual fuck.

Whoever it was, they better had a really good explanation for what was going on. With a ‘I’ll be back soon’ look that you gave your pizza you walked downstairs, taking the baseball bat with you. Could never be too careful around here.

You couldn’t see anyone through the small windows left and right from the door and you sighed.

“Who’s there?”, you called before opening the door, one hand at the doorknob, the other one at the baseball bat.

“It’s me.” A very muffled and silent voice was making it’s way through the door and it took you a moment to realize that it was JJ. You dropped the baseball bat and immediately opened the door only to catch him almost falling into your arms. He must have been leaning against the door.

You could see how he was holding his left side with his right hand and when turned around fully to you, you saw how his face was full of cuts and bruises, some of them still bleeding.

“Holy shit, JJ!”, you said almost in shock and ushered him inside and closed the door, locking it with the extra lock, just in case he was followed by someone.

“What happened?”, you asked as you were helping him over to the living room couch where he sat down with a groan of pain.

“Dad”, he said while breathing heavily, clearly in so much pain he couldn’t say more.

You ran your hand through your hair and tried to think about what to do with him. He was clearly bleeding on the cushions and your parents might kill you for it but that wasn’t important right now.

“That bastard...Wait here, I’ll be right back.” You hated his dad more than anyone on this island. Well, Rafe was probably on the same level. Just disgusting, abusive assholes. Your heart dropped when you thought about JJ getting beaten up again and no one ever doing anything against it. He was suffering in silence every time.

The blonde boy had been afraid of his father for the longest time, trying to please him only to get a punch in the face as a thank you. He never told you why his mother had left them but you knew his father was blaming JJ for that.

Sometimes you wondered how he could hold up the act of being a happy, sassy young man. He was clearly falling apart inside and yet, he didn’t let anyone know, always saying it was fine.

It was not fine. Not at all.

You told him that every time he showed up at your door. Yes you were friends but sometimes you wondered why he didn’t visit any of the others when he was wounded like that. Afraid? Ashamed? And if yes, why did he show up here so frequently after almost every beating he took? Was it because of the looks he gave you, that you only caught glimpses of from time to time? Was it because you made him feel the same way he made you feel?

After going to the bathroom and grabbing a few painkillers and something to clean his wounds you went back down, looking at him for a second while standing in the doorway. His eyes were closed and he was barely even sitting on the couch. He looked like he would fall to the side at any moment so you walked over there quickly.

“Hey JJ, look at me”, you said and watched how he opened his eyes while you were crouching in front of him. “It’s gonna be okay.” You tried to give him a smile, trying not to show how worried you were actually about him.

“No”, he whispered and you saw tears starting to dwell in his eyes. “It’s never gonna be okay.”

You could almost hear your heart break at his words and you slowly stroked his cheek, catching the first tear that was falling. Within one breath you were up and hugging him tightly. It was only then that the rest of his composure started to break and he started crying with no end in sight, leaning into your hug and pressing his face against your neck.

“I can’t do anything right!”, he spoke against your skin. “I try to do the right things and it always ends up the same. I’m so stupid. So worthless. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Hey, shh.” You tried to console him but you knew that deep down, he was still the insecure child he had been the first day his father started to abuse him. “You’re not worthless, you hear me? You’re. Not. Worthless.”

You pulled away a little to look into his eyes, now red from crying and you felt how a tear was also escaping your own eye. It was a sight you didn’t want to see and you hated his father for making him break down like that.

“I can’t do shit!”, he exclaimed and ran a hand through his hair, wincing in pain a second later.

After sitting down next to him, you could just watch him for a moment, not sure what to do to help him.

“I ruin everything. No matter how hard I try, I keep fucking up. God, I hate my life, sometimes I wish I was -” You didn’t let him finish this sentence, instead you cupped his face in your hands and pulled him close, placing a soft and careful kiss on his lips. His body relaxed within a second and you pulled away.

“What are you doing?”, he breathed against your lips as they were still close, his breath tingling against your skin.

“Calming you down”, you replied with a soft laugh and reached forward to the cloth before starting to clean his wounds again.

“Maybe you should take a few painkillers.” You simply nodded towards the small table in front of the couch where you had placed a glass of water and some pills. He was about to say something else but then just nodded, taking the pills.

“Thanks”, he mumbled and tried to hold still while you were cleaning him.

“Take your shirt off, I know there’s more”, you demanded after you were finished with his face, thankfully nothing too deep but it still looked bad and would do so for a few more days.

He gulped before he took it off, throwing it over the back of the couch. You bit your bottom lip as you saw how bruised his whole body actually was. Normally he would only have wounds in the face, which was bad enough, but this time it looked like his father had punched or kicked him right in the gut. How could a father do such things?

The two of you were silent for a while as you did everything you could to help him, cleaning wounds, checking if he had broken any ribs and making sure he would be okay.

“I hit him back”, he suddenly said out of nowhere and you looked up from his stomach where you might have studied his muscles a little too long. It wasn’t a sight you hadn’t seen already but you were still impressed how fit he actually was.

The words you wanted to say didn’t leave your lips so you were silent. You got up and picked up the shirt about to give it back to him but it had dried blood on it and you didn’t want him to wear this tonight.

“He’ll kill me if I go back home”, he added after a few more deep breaths and you nodded. As far as you knew, he never actually stood up to his father. He only took the beatings without a word, never doing anything against it out of fear.

Knowing that JJ’s biggest fear was his own father was tearing you apart inside. He shouldn’t be afraid of his own father. No kid should ever be afraid of their own parents.

“I hope you know that I won’t let you leave this place tonight. You’ll stay. Parents aren’t home anyway”, you said and held out your hand after dropping his shirt on the ground again. You’d clean it tomorrow.

He took your hand and got up a little less wobbly than earlier, the painkillers seemed to kick in.

You pulled him up to your room, signing him to sit down while you went to your parents bedroom really quick, trying to look for a shirt from your father that might fit JJ. It took a moment but thankfully your dad kept clothes even though he didn’t fit in there anymore.

Going back to JJ you saw him leaning against the headboard of your bed, fiddling with one of the band-aids you had put on him in his face.

“Stop that”, you said and laughed a little when he looked at you like a little kid that wanted to have a dinosaur band-aid instead of a normal one. “And put that one. Carefully.”

You threw him the shirt and watched how he put it one, smiling a little. He’d be okay, you were sure of that. He would always turn out okay, at least on the outside. The inside was a whole other issue.

After that you changed into your sleeping clothes, ignoring that he was right there and could see more naked skin than he had ever seen before.

“Scoot.” You waved your hands a little and he moved over to one side of the bed before you crawled under the blanket on the other side.

“So we’re sleeping in one bed now?”, he said a little confused and you chuckled, placing a soft kiss against one of the bruises on his shoulder.

“I’m not leaving you alone. You’re under my watch now.” He grinned when you said those words and it made you smile too because he seemed to get into a better mood despite everything.

He slipped under the blanket and tried to keep at least a little distance between you but you wouldn’t have any of it, grabbing his hand under the blanket. You felt him tense briefly but relax soon enough.

A while passed where you didn’t say anything and you were almost sure that he had been asleep already when he suddenly spoke up.

“Why are you helping me...like this?”, he asked and turned around to you, not letting go of your hand that you two were still holding. He sounded so insecure like he wasn’t worth the time and care you gave him. You wish you could somehow get some sense into him.

“Why are you always showing up here after he beat you?”, you asked in return and you realized that question could come out right. “I mean, why not the others?”, you quickly added before he got it wrong.

“You can’t answer a question with another question, you know”, he huffed and pouted a little at the fact you hadn’t answered him.

“Fine. You’re my friend, JJ. You’re part of my Pogue family. How can I not help you, when you’re clearly in need of it?”, you told him but it didn’t seem like he was satisfied with that answer. “Your turn.”

He bit his bottom lip and looked into your eyes, then your lips and back to your eyes again.

“No one cleans my wounds as well as you do”, he said with a half grin and it was also not the kind of answer you wanted to hear.

You shook your head with a soft laugh and he squeezed your hand. Silence was falling over you for a long while.

“(y/n)?” Every time he said your name in such a soft way, your heart jumped a little and you hated it. Hated that he made you feel this way because it was clearly going down a dangerous road that was also your fault. Feelings were something you weren’t good with.

“Hm?”, you simply replied and didn’t look at him in the darkness, trying to focus on the spot on his jaw where you knew a bruise was lingering. The moonlight was shining into your room so you’d have been able to see his face clear enough but you didn’t want to. You didn’t want to because you had been falling for this boy for quite a while now but it couldn’t happen.

No pogue on pogue macking, right? Even though you had screwed that one up earlier already but then again, that was a case of emergency.

“Let’s run away together”, he whispered into the night and it caused you to look up at those blue, blue eyes that were so sad right now.

You laughed softly and squeezed his hand a little. “You know we can’t do that.”

“I can’t go back home and I’ve got nothing left to lose except you.” His voice was breaking while he spoke and you were sure he was about to cry again, filled with worry so you moved over closer to him until you were snuggling against his chest.

“You got a lot to lose, JJ. Not just me. What about the other Pogues? They’d probably hunt us down. You’re also a bright, young man that can have a wonderful future”, you mumbled against his chest, the shirt already smelling like him.

It was really hard not to just hug him tight again but you didn’t want to touch any bruises, too afraid he’d start hurting again as he seemed fine right now.

“It’s only wonderful if you’re in it.” God damn, he needed to stop talking like right now. It was probably just the painkillers speaking, you gave him some really strong ones. Maybe he also just needed someone to be close to him right now so he would stay calm.

“You really need to sleep now,” you mumbled and looked up at him with a soft smile but he didn’t budge. You knew that there was something between you and maybe, just maybe you would act on it. One day.

“Can I kiss you?”, he asked, seemed almost shy and you breathed in heavily. Why was he so irresistible. Yes, it was your fault that he was in your bed now instead of the couch or something but you wanted to comfort him the best way you could, that included not leaving him alone because you knew how lonely he felt inside.

“Just this one time”, you said with a sigh and he pressed your lips against yours, deepening the kiss to make sure it was a real one, not like the little peck earlier.

After you two pulled apart he smiled broadly at you. “Technically, that was number two and both of them in one day.”

“Sleep, idiot”, you said and kissed his nose briefly before letting go of his hand, turning on your other side to finally sleep. It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep next to his warmth and steady breathing.

You knew this wouldn’t be the last kiss you two would share.

You weren’t surprised when you woke up with him spooning you from behind.

You were a little surprised when he actually told you he loved you two weeks later in front of your friends.


End file.
